Purgatory…Or Is That, Purge-a-tory?

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I was given this  curious little question as I woke up this morning. I remember growing up and going to church as a child. I would listen to the minister give his sermon about us horrible sinners, and how we must repent all of our horribleness. The fire and brimstone stuff that movies are made of seemed pretty scary at the time. Now that I see through all of the constraints, brain washing and control issues that are very much a part of organized religion, I decided to look up the meaning of purgatory. I figured that maybe my spiritual team was offering me a different perspective on this topic. Well, lo and behold, I was right.

As a noun, purgatory means:”(in Roman Catholic doctrine) a place or state of suffering inhabited by the souls of sinners who are expiating their sins before going to heaven”. Same old, same old stuff, right??? But then, we use it as an adjective, and everything changes. Then purgatory means:”having the quality of cleansing or purifying”. AHA!!!

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My spiritual team has always had a wonderful sense of humour, as I am currently in the midst of pure and complete purgatory. It all started about three weeks ago. I began having deep, intense, and overwhelming pain in my legs. The pain would start up at my hips and deep inside the joints and muscles. The pain would then radiate down my legs to my knees, shins, and then to my feet. It would come at anytime throughout the day or night. Along with these pains, there would also arise a tremendous feeling of dread or fear. My abdomen would feel like there was ice buried within it, and a feeling of oscillation of energy would accompany this fear. I knew that I was being “dredged” or “purged” of all fear that had no purpose. I knew that the only thing that I could do was to surrender and align myself with this energy. I have a deep compassion for anyone with I.B.S., because I found myself making many a scurried visit to the closest washroom. Wherever I go, I am always on the lookout for the closest facilities…just in case. When the pains first started, I went to see a physiotherapist to see what impact physio treatment would have on my current physical challenges. Well, apparently none is the answer to that question. My symptoms also stumped the hell out my physiotherapist, since my symptoms would vary from visit to visit. I began telling him about my beliefs, that every symptom has an emotional root. He is a very progressive therapist, because he believed that as well. After three treatments with him, and no real success, I told him that I was going to go it on my own. I continue to do the strengthening exercises that he recommended for my general core strength and well-being, which do help with balance and flexibility.

I woke up this morning feeling different. My legs feel almost pain-free, except for a little in my right hip. What a difference! I am sure that last weeks amazing full moon eclipse had something to do with it. The energy really built up into a crescendo as the full moon approached, and then I felt a huge release as it passed. It was very much like a balloon that was being filled with air, and then suddenly bursting when it had reached it’s climactic fullness. All I know is that it has left great change in it’s wake. I am never afraid to purge, since I know that moments of discomfort and pain all inevitably lead to emotional blessings in my life. Bring it on! Carry me forward in the waves of love that bring me closer to our new world, and heaven on earth.

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The Lost Boy In The Blue Fog

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I am standing in a house that I do not know. It feels empty, devoid of feeling and character, and very old. A young boy of 5 years runs past me down the long dingy hallway, muttering to himself, unaware of my presence. He passes the bathroom door, shut tight and dark. He shakes his head as if to say, “I’m not going in there”. As he reaches the bottom of the staircase, he looks to his right and up towards the stairs. Flowing down the stairs like a waterfall is a dense pale blue fog. It creeps closer to the boy, a palpable barrier daring him to try to penetrate it. He appears anxious and doesn’t know what to make of it’s appearance. I approach him from behind, making my presence gently known so as not to frighten him. He looks up at me with curiosity. I offer him a reassuring smile, and glancing at the blue fog, I say “watch this!” As I put my hands out towards the fog, an invisible energy pours out of my fingertips and a small bit of the blue cloud dissipates. The boy looks at me quite astonished at the fog’s reaction. Then I woke up.

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I knew that this dream had great significance for me. I also intuitively felt that the boy, the house, the fog and I weren’t quite finished with each other. I decided to go into meditation and reconnect with the whole scene to investigate it’s importance. I continued where the dream had left off, and there was the boy still standing at the foot of the stairs. I noticed that he seemed very much alone, abandoned would be the feeling that I got. I didn’t feel that there was anyone else in the house except for the two of us. I asked the boy where his parents were, and his reply was, “I don’t know”. He didn’t appear too concerned that he was alone, but more that he had reconciled himself to the situation. It was obvious to me that he was feeling uncertain and anxious due to the appearance of the pale blue fog. Since the house was eerie and dark, I asked him if it would be okay to open the curtains. The young boy was very hesitant at first, as if allowing the light in would be unsettling for him. To make him feel more at ease, I told him that it would help me move around the house easier, since the house was so unfamiliar to me. After some thought, he finally agreed, and we began going from room to room opening the heavy dark curtains. As we flung open each drapery, the sun literally burst it’s way into every dark corner. I could see the ancient dust floating through the air, disturbed by our actions.

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The house began to take on an almost friendly feel with the sun now pouring in, even though each room on the main floor was empty with not a single piece of furniture. After the drapes had all been opened, the boy and I returned to the dark hallway, and to the door that led to the bathroom that he wanted to avoid. I asked him if he knew if there were any lightbulbs. He nodded and then went to get them from the pantry. I told him that he could climb on top of my shoulders in order to reach the light in the hall ceiling. He gently unscrewed the old lightbulb and replaced it with the new one. I opened the bathroom door, and he proceeded to replace the lightbulb in the bathroom as well. I asked him to flip the light switch, and as he did, the room was filled with light. He soon realized that the bathroom wasn’t so scary after all. Now, what to do about that troublesome pale blue fog?

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We revisited the bottom of the staircase, and pondered our next move. The fog was very dense, and there was a very heavy feeling about it. It also felt like it had a personality, and an almost foreboding presence. I decided to try blowing air from my lungs out onto the fog, and to my amazement, the fog retreated just the tiniest bit. I motioned for the boy to help me. He and I began to take turns blowing air on the pale blue entity. Before too long, the fog had retreated as far back as the upstairs landing. I took the boy’s small hand in mine, and we began to climb the stairs. We pushed through the last of the fog at the top of the stairs, and peered into one of the bedrooms. Imagine our surprise when we saw three small children, one girl and two boys, playing quietly inside. They didn’t notice us until I said, “Hello”. All three of them looked at us as I spoke and then returned to their playing without saying a word. Finally the little boy that I had met downstairs entered the bedroom and joined them. It all seemed so natural. A man suddenly appeared in the room with the children. I asked if he was their father. He replied, “No, I am your masculine aspect”. He had come to assist in parenting these “lost” children.

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We all went downstairs to go outside to play in the yard. When we opened the door, the entire yard was a huge wheat field except for the long dirt road that led to the house. The children played while my masculine aspect and I talked. As I looked down the long winding driveway that came up towards the house, I began to see hundreds of what looked like ghosts coming towards us. There were men, women, and children. They were from the ages of very young to very old. They were semi-transparent, and they seemed to be from another world. In fact, they appeared to be from many different worlds, and many different periods in history. They continued marching towards us as we were sitting at the edge of the driveway. As they began to move past us, I looked behind me to see where they were going. Out of nowhere appeared a vortex. I was told that this was a vortex whose purpose was to “harvest souls into the light”.

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When almost everyone had entered the vortex, the four children that had been playing in the yard, told us that it was time for them to go. They ran off and disappeared into the vortex of light. They went happily, peacefully and eagerly. It was a beautiful sight to witness. So many of the “lost” parts of me had found their way home and into the light, with the promise of eternal love and light. I looked back towards the old house, only to discover that it had completely dissolved. There was nothing left but the outline where the old house once stood. So symbolic of the old me dissolving in order for the new me to thrive. A sense of completeness came over me, and I couldn’t help but smile.